11: Honouring Sebastian
We are all of us gathered here today because we love Sebastian and to honour his death. About a year ago Sebastian contracted AIDS and became afraid that he might be dying. In actual fact this was a gift. Dying is only one thing to be sad about, he discovered. Living unhappily is quite another. To know that you are going to die and to be prepared for it at anytime - that's a gift. That's how Sebastian discovered you can actually be more involved in your life while you're living it. Once you learn how to die and can accept the unexpected, you can learn how to really live.
What Sebastian discovered is that you cannot substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of deep friendship. His whole world was turned upside down and all his values and beliefs radically changed. What was complex became simple and he became happy and peaceful. In his first struggle with TB last year, possibly preparing for death Sebastian was able to release himself from all the vain empty meaningless ways of life and take time to smell the flowers. His gift to us all now is to share this newfound meaning and simplicity and if he were here today he'd probably be asking us .... are we happy with our jobs, our partnerships, our goals, our society, the state of the environment - are you in your passion, have your forgiven yourself and others? Most of all he would ask if we can truly love?
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Like most of us in early life he felt abandoned and threatened by life. Although he was a deeply generous and caring, sweet and sensitive man, he hardened himself in time and started to look out only for Sebastian. And that's OK. You see we all do that because its part of this culture. We start making money and having a good time the most important values. We close down to love.
Sebastian's illness lead him to realise that in the beginning of life when we are infants we need others to survive. Also at the end of life when we get sick like him, we need others to survive. Here's the secret he'd like to share with you all - in between we need others as well. He discovered this in Mount Shasta recently when so many people showed him true love and understanding. This helped him to open to love himself and reach out and ask for help. How many of us can truly reach out to others and ask for help or open our hearts to share? This takes humility, vulnerability and great strength. Sebastian embodied all of these fine virtues and these are the gifts of his illness.
Here's a question..... Can the gift of his death and the sharing these profound insights with you all, cause you to look within and begin your own transformations? Who do you need to forgive? What lies do you tell yourself to isolate yourself from love, abundance and true friendship? Can you really feel love for the person standing next to you, in front of you, behind of you, or even the cashier at the supermarket?
Sebastian learned to be compassionate and to forgive himself for getting lost in superficial pursuits. In his final year he realised how important it is to take responsibility for each other and all of life. He asked himself how could he help others to free themselves from pain and suffering. Sometimes he did this by being a living example and allowing others to see that there is a better way. When he felt really strongly, sometimes he would lead others out of their self destructive ways by direct intervention. Who do you know who is leading a life that is causing themselves pain because they are denying love? How can you help? Who do you need to reach out to? Sebastian asked himself these questions and got some astonishing answers, which he acted on. He discovered as we help one person in our family, there's a knock on effect and this can lead to many good deeds and transformation. Above all he realised it leads to self transformation.
In his life he had many great disappointments and in facing death he confided in me there's no point in keeping vengeance or stubbornness. Pride and vanity had isolated him and denied him the experience of true love. Together we were able to work this through and we shared tremendous love for life and each other, whatever the circumstances.
Sebastian realised that in business people negotiate to get what they want and to win. Maybe we are all too used to that false self serving attitude. In reconnecting to real love through forgiveness and compassion Sebastian realised that real love is different. He was shown and came to believe that love is when you are as concerned about someone else's situation as you are about your own. All the love he created in the last year of his life especially - that energy - that love - is still here.... All the memories are still here..... In this way, Sebastian will continue to live on in the hearts of everyone he touched and loved whilst he was here.... Death ends a life not a friendship.
Sebastian may have been dying during this last year but he knew he was surrounded by loving caring souls - how many people can say that? He truly realised that so many people walk around with a meaningless life - they seem asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. In dying Sebastian woke up and devoted himself to creating real meaning and true purpose in his life - that's the gift. Because of this, he was able to die with courage. This is his legacy NOW to us all, that we can all take this time to ponder our reason for living, find greater meaning and discover our own purpose for being here. Finally his greatest wish would be that we all carry this line of thinking home with us and allow it to permeate all our relationships and actions - past, present and future. This is your opportunity to honour Sebastian's life and death by practising and perpetuating these higher values.
Love life and it will surely love you back. Sebastian came to know this and so can you.
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